14 Moments As A Model That I Will Never Stop Thinking About
Yes it was fun being a bald glamazon but there are some moments that i'll just never forget.
I get stopped in the street approximately once every six months by someone asking me why I look familiar, which is always a delight. I often ask what they know me from and 99% of the time they say ‘oh it was when you filmed yourself going through the drive-thru at Costa,’ which is extra humbling - especially when you’ve done a TED Talk.
But at 16 I became what you could describe as a model. Not necessarily in the way where I promised millions of people across the world a look based on a geographical location (see: The London Look), but more because I had ginger hair and wore faux fur coats and people in my small town told me I reminded them of David Bowie. At the time he was alive so it was kind, but when he passed I couldn’t help but feel mildly offended that I reminded them of someone who was deceased.
Me signing to my first agency who genuinely were called UGLY Models.
On Sunday as I was cleaning my bookshelf I found an old zine that I had kept. It’s called REFLEKT which is very of its time, and was the first time i’d had a photo of me published anywhere. As I flicked through and found the photo of me stood against the backdrop of London’s Southbank emanating a combination of electricity and fear all at the same time, I remembered the absolute indignity that had occured moments prior to this photo as I was asked to leave a nearby Pret because I was using their toilet to change outfits.
It got me thinking about the consensual indignities that happened during this time of photo shoots both professional and non-professional, and how I have to share them with the world because they’re just too bizarre to keep in my head. You all thought it was pure glamour - but it was quite the contrary.
If I keep them a secret for too long then they’ll just end up coming out in a book I write in the future. So here’s a sneak peak of what went down behind the scenes.
The time I became a mother of the bride
I thought I ate. I think actually looking back, there was some eating going on. Perhaps just a light bite, but this editorial was my first time shooting in a proper studio where I was also being interviewed. So at the time it was major. Looking back, I could definitely be sat at the top table of a wedding.
The time I got in trouble with JK Rowling
Look, i’m not saying that I am the reason that she who has been named above (doesn’t need repeating does it) started to hate trans people, but maybe it’s all my fault. When I tweeted that I didn’t like how gender non-conforming people and other extras were being treated as extras on the set of the second Fantastic Beasts film, it caused a slight moment in gay press. I got told off and quit being an extra, but I see Ms. Rowling still holds a grudge with me. That’s fine - i’m sure she’s doing well…
The time I walked a runway for the first time and my shoe disappeared
To set the scene, we were in the canteen of my University and the fashion students were putting on their second year show. Showing students, staff and parents what they have been working on all year. They were scouting for models and obviously with my experience as having been an extra for 7 days and having yellow hair I was the perfect fit. Safe to say, three seconds into my first walk my foot slipped out of a strappy ankle heel, immediately sending it west and I had to walk the rest on my tip toes with the shoe now an elegant anklet.
The time I modelled on top of someones grave
Think that ones quite self explanatory really. It was a test shoot, we got ready in someones kitchen and walked 15 minutes to a local graveyard to what can only be described as ‘drape’ oneself over tombstones. I obviously protested, and the other model also seemed a bit concerned but as I think Tim Gunn once muttered - make it work.
The time I bumped into Rochelle from The Saturdays dressed as a devil
If I had a pound for every time this had happened to me, i’d have one whole pound! I was shooting for a Halloween campaign where I was in a steel boned corset and wig and needed to pop to the loo - little did I know that they also filmed Love Island Extra Slice (think that’s what it’s called) in the studio next door. Long story short I had to let Rochelle from The Saturdays (Humes) past me before I went into the loo. She definitely remembers.
The time I was photographed mid egg and cress sandwich
This one is less of a formal photo shoot and more of a ‘street photography’ situation. Looking back I don’t know why I was shocked that someone took this photo of me and uploaded it onto the worldwide web, because it’s ridiculous. It was also London Fashion Week if that helps add context. Legend has it that this was the inspiration for Sabrina Carpenter’s ‘Espresso’.
The time we had to shoot socially distanced outside my house
On paper these are all my favourite things. Not having to leave the house to go to work, getting to be treated like a goddess and looking stunning in a suit. So this was a win win. It was for Teatum Jones collection during London Fashion Week and they shot a series of people around London during Covid outside their houses. My favourite part was that when we were done I had to put the outfit in a taxi on its own because Clara Amfo needed it. When the queen speaks, you listen.
The time I took my top off for no real reason
Not going to spend too much time on this one because looking back, it was a bit odd but someone asked me to come over to do a shoot because he wanted to play with lighting and thought I looked like David Bowie. For some reason this meant I took my top off. Seems absolutely and definitely fine.
The time I went to a goth nightclub in Dior fishnets
This was actually quite fun and arguably the most fashion i’d ever been. Ass out, heels on, face painted within an inch of its life and Dior fishnets on that I obviously ripped the second I put them on. It was for LOVE Magazine. I’d never been to a London nightclub let alone a self proclaimed goth one but shooting alongside real life gothic ravers was iconic. They were very kind despite me asking if they could play Lady Gaga which i’m sure is something that’s frowned upon.
The time they shot me in my bedroom
At this period of my life I was known for liking yellow so a lovely photographer wanted to come and shoot me in my bedroom in a quintessential Jamie way. Was fun cleaning my room for this - as you can imagine a lot is under the bed just really tucked away, and yes I still have my giant elephant to this day. His name is Ellis.
The time I was asked to pretend to like a perfume in an underground club
Quite a lot to unpack here too but if you’ve ever been to Friendly Society in Soho you’ll know that that’s an event in itself. Somebody next to me asked if I could hold a perfume and have my photo taken with it and suddenly I was telling audiences that I loved spraying it in DA CLUB? These aren’t my usual standards of honesty I promise.
The time we did a photoshoot on facetime
This was fun because again all I had to do was stand up in my bedroom and put up a black sheet. Obviously because it was a queer led project several things went wrong and people were late but the shots turned out great all thanks to the power facetune. Also wearing a Cat O’Brien corset so my tits looked great.
The time I was turned into a tapestry
Definitely the second best one since that Bayeux one. For H&M me and a gaggle of LGBTQs were transformed into a tapestry by the one and only Pierre Marie. It’s actually in Queer Britain, hanging for all to see if you fancy going to see it. Sure someone must fancy stroking my wefts.
The time I got naked for Jean Paul Gaultier
Not personally, although if the occasion did present itself I would happily oblige as long as our JPG was down. This was for a fragrance shoot where again, a gaggle of gays were shot in a real life rainforest (of course by real I mean a mixture of fake and genuine plants created to make it look like I was the blonde bombshell entering the Garden of Eden to steal Adam’s eye). The amount of baby oil was insane. I also got to watch Drag Queen superstar Tayce baby oil her own legs, so that’s something to put on the tombstone. We were wearing nude undwear but they erased it in post, which I could only imagine is a job that would require dedication and a dedicated HR representative.
So there we go, let me know if you want more tales form the debauchery of model-hood. Now I just dress like Jack from Will & Grace mixed with a small tiny fictional evacuee from a BBC childrens film about World War II.
C’est la vie x